Review for The Wicker Man

Director: Nick LaBute

Released: 2006
Genre: Accidental Comedy

The 2006 film The Wicker Man is a remake of a 1973 movie with the same title. I have not seen the original, but I think I will now, for one reason above all others; Christopher Lee makes an appearance in the first version, whereas Nicholas Cage stars in the remake. That alone indicates there is most likely a large margin in quality between the two movies. I have no doubt that you can guess which one is probably better.

Needless to say, LaBute's reinterpretation of an acclaimed cult horror film did not open to an even lukewarm reception, by any means. The script is similar to that of the British original, but Cage completely destroys any potential for the film to take itself seriously. His inability to act his part convincingly spreads like a cancer on the set- the other actors and actresses do their best to accommodate his incomprehension of subtlety, but their efforts are for naught. His abysmal performance transforms the entire atmosphere of The Wicker Man; instead of being a gripping work of horror, the movie is instead an uproarious comedy. I watched it without the company of friends, and I still burst out laughing at several moments- The Wicker Man is impressively silly.

In the movie, Cage plays police officer Edward Malus, who is the witness of a horrible car accident involving the death a girl and her mother. There were no bodies found at the sight of the flaming wreck, however, and Malus is unable to find out who the two people were. One day, he receives a letter in the mail from his ex-fiancee, Willow. She claims that her daughter was the one involved in the accident, but that said accident was staged, and her daughter is still alive. Willow lives on a desolate island called Summersisle, home to a society resembling a sort of matriarchal, pagan version of an Amish parish. (I am dead serious about that last part.) Cage arrives there in due time and discovers that he was the one who fathered Willow's daughter, which makes the search for her all the more personal. Throughout his stay there, Cage plays the classic "fish out of water" role, which combined with his propensity for abject, crazed screaming, makes for some absurdly bad dialogue. Some examples of what Cage says, usually at the top of his lungs, include: "killing me won't bring back your goddamn honey," "how'd it get burned," shouted four times in rapid succession, and, "of course, another plant! Rose!" I wholeheartedly believe Jason Biggs could have done a better job playing Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs, even though he would have only been thirteen at the time.

I will not reveal the rest of the plot here, but the ending will be told below the rating- just in case you do not want me to spoil the "surprise." Of course, the finale really does not amount to much- you can watch The Wicker Man, know what happens in the end, and still wonder at how gloriously bad it is. I would recommend you only watch it with friends, however... otherwise the level of hilarity does little to overcome such an incalculably large casting error.

0.75/4.00

Okay, here is the ending: soon Cage discovers that an annual human sacrifice is held to ensure a good harvest of Summersisle's main crop; honey. Cage becomes more and more paranoid, and it is eventually revealed that in fact he is the object of sacrifice. We then come to a satisfying conclusion to the The Wicker Man, which also happens to be the most redeeming moment in the entire movie: we watch Cage's character burn to death atop a flaming sacrificial shrine.